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RAMBLINGS
Thursday, October 12
hey everyone.... its good to be back on the net.... feels great
well... since the last i blogged, alot of things have changed, namely family and career wise
well lets start from the beginning...
on the 30th of april 2006 i applied for a job at the Night Safari, at the ben and jerry's outlet there, life was great, pay was ok... made alot of new friends learn alot of new things... and the ice cream... just short o heaven haha
anyways, on the 3rd of september, a problem rose, which caused me to make certain choices, some of these choices cost me my job... and on the 4th, i left B&J reluctantly... leaving friends and loved ones behind
anyways, i'm enjoying my life apending more time with my fiancee Fathehah... life is gd, and our relationship is gaining strength by the day...
family wise, haha, my twin lil brothers were born sometime in june...
Rifai Aiman was born at 0008hrs and Ryan Aiman was born at 0018hrs
both exremely cute, and i feel proud to be the oldest son yet again,
its a great feeling when ryan wrapped his fingers round my fingers, here i was, looking down at this little boy...
i just pray i'm priviledged to watch both of them grow up into sensible boys, which i didn't get the chance to for Shaqir and Sherene, my other two younger siblings... if only situations weren't such... if i knew my life would turn out this way, i would have changed alot of things in my past,
choices i made, actions i took.... and the things i didn't do, the people i didn't support, and the people i wrongly supported...
well, whats done is done and its no use for me to cry over spilt milk, (or risk electrocuting myself by cryng over this keyboard for that matter)...
my relationships with friends are worsening, people i kept so close to my heart, people i truly felt care for, now seem to deny my existence.. it saddens me deeply, beyond belief how someone, who i cared so much for, protected and nutured, had turned on me in my time of need... my god sister, whom i regarded my own flesh and blood, who promised to be there for me when i needed her, wasn't there when i recently broke down...
my own mother, now seems so calculative, she doesn't care about my well being anymore, she only seems to care how much money she spends on me... great example... she sleeps on a nice comfy bed... and so does granny... but me? i sleep on our old sofa, which she put in my room... many a time i have complained about back aches caused by the uncomfortable stiffness... but she doesn;t listen...she literally has drawn a line between mother and son, what kind of mother is she, to put aside kinship, care and affection on her own blood... i feel so alone....
i honestly feel so alone... with only Fathehah, my GODsent angel, to guide me along my path of life...
sometimes i just lie awake at night and wonder, what sin did i commit, that the world had turned on me that GOD is testing me this way... when will it end? when will it get better? am i doomed to live in sorrow all my life?
Delivered at 4:47 p.m.;