Wednesday, December 6
hey everyone... havent been able to sleep properly past few days, been thinking about something... someone actually...
someone i havent seen in months, since the beginning of september...
well anyways, list of my top 10 favourite songs
1.Nemesis-Arch Enemy (reminds me of a certain loved one)
2.Bat Country-A7x
3.Ulitimate- Lindsay Lohan
4.helena - MCR
5.I wont see you tonight - A7X
6.welcome to the black parade- MCR
7.so far away - staind
8.when you were young - the killers
9.something
10.something
Wednesday, November 8
today one of my class mate got into trouble, with some outsider
i helped her out, tried to talk to her, but when it was over, i asked her how it went and she said none of my business... wah knn i felt damn what man
like wanted to beat the fish out of this butch...
nvm... i'm leave it for now... comm dying, need to charge...
cheers
I'M GETTING DAMN FED UP WITH MY MUM!
its about this comm, it hers
i only borrow it to practice my adobe stuff, do some research on things i like and blog la of course
but the thing is that i dont have creative freedom, meaning that when i want to do something, i cant because of some mundane restriction by her... the only time i can practice my school work, namely my illustrator and photoshop is from 10pm onwards... day time i'm usually out at sch and stuff...
i need to practice my work, because i forget very easily plus i cant really catch everything teachers teach in class, i kinda learn more alone... most parents would encourage children to do their work right?
but you see... my mum is a special person.. a kind of breed we call bit*hes...
i've hated her for over a decade and i havent forgiven her for anything.. because i dont want to forgive...
she doesnt deserve my forgiveness, she can kiss my ass!
i really need comm access which is why i got close to her to get this comm... but she's so damn anal about her own things...
for example.. back in my house in woodlands when my parents were still together...
she and my grandma destroyed our expensive black leather sofa by lying down on it(my mum is a fat assed bit*ch)... my dad paid for it and he was quite mad that it broke
years later in this house... when my mum got a sofa from her boyfriend(dont know what he sees in her), i slept on it because i was damn tired after work... wah she kao peh kau bu until email my dad la and all that shit wah f*cking hypocrite sia she, my dad being a gentleman just kept quiet...
she cares the world about her things, but dont give a shit about anyone elses
just now a dinner she complain that my grandma piss her off la, ruin her hari raya blah blah...
i thought to myself, wow, i had the same opinion about her lol, being a bit*h must run in her family...
luckily i have 99.9 per cent dad's genes and i'm proud of it...
sigh my dad made a bad decision and married another bit*h... younger and smarter and louder... poor papa...my dad may not have a diploma, and he may not be highly educated... but he would sacrifice himself for me... and thats why i love my dad very much god bless him...
i miss him so much... i feel so sad that i dont get to see him everyday...
silly me i'm crying like a baby
i really miss my dad and i hope i can meet him again soon...i cherish the times it was just him and me and i'll hold them in my heart forever... love you dad, yr son misses you...
all of you reading this and who have still both parents lving with you together.... cherish them...
you dont know how lucky you are to have a happy family...
if GOD could grant me a wish... i wish my father had never gotten remarried... and i would still be living with him... things would have been so much better
to be honest i never blamed my dad... for anything... even my current plight
you want to know why? its because he never treated me like a child... he treated me like an equal, a grown up since i was a baby... my dad is truly a saint... i hate myself for the times i caused him problems and times i hurt him... i hope he'll forgive me
the reason i picked up guitar, is because i wanted to be like my dad... he taught me all he knew... shared his prized guitar with me, which i still have...
Everynight, i thank GOD that he allowed me, Mohamed Syafiq Bin Johan, to be his son...
i'll never stop thanking GOD for this... Never...
To my lepak kaki, my drinking buddy, my teacher, and my best friend...
I LOVE YOU DAD... MISS YOU VERY MUCH...
Delivered at 12:13 a.m.;
Tuesday, November 7
well... i got alot of issues with alot of people so i'm not going to wait any longer
1) to that frikking nerd bitch who told me to shut up after i asked her where she was during a briefing... wtf is your problem... i walked out of briefing to go look for you wen you were missing... kindness doesnt pay! and this is the same biatch that portrayed me as a girlfriend abuser on her blog and named my name... look biatch... you realise i didnt put your name here?
i can but i dont want to...TO SAVE THAT UGLY F*CK FACE YOU HAVE.
2) to that ex bext friend of mine who invited everyone to her place for HR celebrations
and told my girlfriend that she didnt want me to come for some unknown reason, "open house" my ass... open to all but me la
well... the reason you became my EX best friend is because you are so frikking inconsiderate
you made so much frikking noise when i was stressed and i told you niceley to keep quiet but NO... you made more noise and then i had to scream and shout at you for you to STFU
and since the day you stopped talking to me, i havent done sh*t to you ok, so the way you treat me... is ALL YOUR F*CKING FAULT... NOT MINE
3) to that stupid F*CKING asswipe throwing vcds from higher floor... F*CK YOU! DO IT AGAIN AND I'M GOING TO FIND YOU AND THROW YOU OUT THE WINDOW TO MEE T YOUR F*CKING VCDS
4) to that F*CKING MOTHER TOAD ASS WIPE IN MY CLASS WHO THINKS HE'S SUCH A STRONG BIG GUY WHEN HE'S A FRIKKING SKINNY NERD....
DON'T PUSH ME TOO FAR... I'VE BEEN TOLERATING YR NONSENSE FOR ALMOST 1 YEAR... THE OTHER DAY YOU NEARLY GOT THE SH*T BEAT OUT OF YOU OK LUCKILY FATHEHAH WAS THERE... ONE MORE TIME... NVM I WONT SAY WHEN IT HAPPENS YOU WILL KNOW
5) to the somebody with the psp and who asked hanisah for 60... SCREW YOU! i know you very rich can pluck money out of your ass... do you even have proof that she did anything to e stupid psp? she's not so tok kong like you can pay 500 plus for the stupid black thing with a screen...
get a life... bother my little girl again and i will kill you...
6)now the best one....(ahem ahem)
TO THAT FUCKER WHO CALLS ME BRO... AND HIS GF WHO CALLS ME BROTHER...
HAHAHA
SOME BROTHER AND SISTER YOU GUYS WERE... VERY NICE HOR...
WHEN I HAD A BIG BIG PROBLEM IN SEPTEMBER... WHERE THE F*CK WERE YOU TWO? I SUFFERED LIKE NOTHING EVER BEFORE AND YOU TWO ABANDONED ME
TO MY DEAR "SIS" HI HOW ARE YOU? HOW DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO BE A LIAR?
QUOTE FROM YR MSG....
"AND I WILL MAKE SURE YOU FEEL THE LOVE, CARE AND EVERYTHING A SISTER SHOULD DO TO A BRO... ANYTHING I WILL GUIDE YOU THROUGH THE WAY"
WOW...(CLAPS HANDS) TOUCHING... LIKE WATCHING DRAMA SIA... WAH
LETS SEE
I DID FEEL YOUR'LOVE' YES I DID... ONLY WHEN YOU WERE INA GD MOOD...
EVERYTHING A SIS TER SHOULD DO TO A BRO...: SO CAN ABANDON ME LA?
ANYTHING I WILL GUIDE YOU ALONG THE WAY... YOU LEFT ME BLIND TO CROSS A BUSY ROAD ALONE
THANX TO ALL OF YOU...
feeling a little better without all this rage in me...
if not... wah i broke 4 glasses and 1 saucer just now... serious sh*t lucky didnt cut myself
lucky not expensive...
the reason why i post this... is not to insult or to find fault with ppl...
this is my true feelings, honest
i have to let it out before i do something really bad, which i dont want to do
so if i hurt any of you... i'm really sorry... from the bottom of my heart
i purposely didnt include any names... so as to not directly hurt any one...
my sincere apologies
Saturday, October 21
this is my last post for a while...
i won't be able to use the net at home anymore.. here's why...
1) this computer isnt mine, it belongs to my mother... i was under the impression that she would mind me using it for work and school and stuff... but i was wrong
you see... my mother is a psychotic, calculative sorry excuse for a mother...
she treats me like a tenant in my own home... sorry... her home
i'm 17, and throughout my years of life... she has given me the worse injuries, i've ever had...
from a torn lip that needed stitches, to a huge cut on my head which needed 7 stitches, to countless bruises and much blood spilt... i never forgave her for any one of those cases...
growing up... i've always been on guard against her, mainly due to her often verbal and physical abuse
fine, i admit i wasn't an angel growing up, but nothing, and nothing deserves that kind of physical abuse,
i was 11, and very into science... i read somewhere that vinegar and salt could shine coins... and clean most metals very well... so i tried it in my kitchen, and it worked!!! i didnt have a container to keep the solution in, so i kept it in the nearest bottle i could find, and i wen of to do something, genuinely forgetting about the solution...
keep in mind the solution was very colourless and looked like water...
my maid at that time, saw it and yes... tried to drink it... fortunately she didnt...
and she told my mother that i tried to poison her, which wasnt true...
she immediately grabbed this tupperware bottle from the fridge... it was the tough molded type
and she continually smashed it against my head, full force and all her strength... she repeatedly hit my head with the bottle, with murderous force... about 16 to 17 times... not stopping till the flor was red with my blood...
i was 11... and about 2 pints worth of my blood was on the floor... i basically passed out,
and when i woke up, that maid was wiping my head with a towel, which didnt do much to stop the bleeding...
my mother then called my dad who was out, and told him "i just broke yr son's head, come get him" he of course rushed home and brought me to the doctors, where they stitched me up, without any numbing medicine, so i could feel every stitch, EVERY F*CKING STITCH!!!
with every stitch i hated my mum, and by the time i left the clinic, i honestly felt in my heart, I HAD NO MUM!!!
when we moved into our new home, sorry her new home, she bought herself a nice big bed...
and she got a bed for granny too... i got stuck with our old sofa... hard and dusty, and every night i sleep on it... every morning i wake up with a back back and neck ache... many times i've told her... but she doesnt care.... you know why, coz she doesnt want to UNNECCESARYLY SPEND MONEY ON ME!!!, HER SON!!!
nevermind...
it doesnt help that her mother, my grandmother hates me for some unknown reason...
i literally feel so alone in a place i regarded my home... every night i lie awake on that stupid sofa, and ask myself why... WHY DID GOD GIVE ME SUCH A WOMAN TO BE MY MOTHER!
I HOPE SHE READS THIS... I HATE YOU I HATE YOU FOR HURTING ME I HATE YOU TREATING ME LIKE THIS I HATE YOU I TRULY HATE YOU, THE ONLY REASON I STAY WITH YOU, ISN'T BECAUSE I WANT TO OK, I'M ONLY HERE SO THAT MY FATHER WOULD HAVE A PEACEFUL LIFE AND I DONT WANT TO TROUBLE HIM... YOU TREAT ME LIKE DIRT, LIKE A TENANT IN YOUR HOUSE, I WISH YOU WILL READ THIS
I WANT YOU TO FEEL ALL THE PAIN I WENT THROUGH, ALL THE PAIN!!! I WANT TO SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT, I WANT TO SEE YOU SUFFER WITH THE PAIN I WANT TO SEE YOU SUFFER!!! HOW I WISH I COULD JUST LEAVE YOU LEAVE THIS HOUSE, AND LIVE MY OWN LIFE FAR AWAY FROM YOU, HOW I WISH I'LL NEVER SEE YOU EVER AGAIN
YOU'LL NEVER HAVE MY LOVE, YOU'LL NEVER HAVE MY RESPECT NEVER!!!!!!!!